but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
