some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
