omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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