A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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