you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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