drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize