Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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