she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
