So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
