I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
