I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
