dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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