Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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