so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
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He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
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I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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