why didn't you poke me back
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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