do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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