am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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