dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
