i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
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I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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