And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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