If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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