take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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