dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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