I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
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just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
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It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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