If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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