Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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