i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
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I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize