She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
