Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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