I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
