he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
