Your face is a jimmy john
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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