Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
