And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
