I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
