sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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