I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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