he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
