Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
