She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
