Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
