I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
