I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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