my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Crop dusting thru forever 21
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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