I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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