can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dear god my vagina.
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