Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
