1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
