I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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