After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
