she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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