We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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