I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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