you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
