Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
