I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
