mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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