yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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