He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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