"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
