Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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