I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
