i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
