I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
