Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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