Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
