i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
