we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
