I'm drive I can fine osifer
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
