you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
