dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
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When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
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I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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