Moan for me like Helen Keller
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
